I definitely just had a beautiful fact revealed to me and I feel as though I need to share it with as many people as possible. So here goes.
Valentine’s Day has always been a difficult time for me. I’m not sure how it ended up that way, but it has. Maybe it’s because I’ve been single my entire life thus far. Or maybe something happened in my childhood and I’ve just wiped it out of memory. Or maybe I just made the decision somewhere along the line that it’s not seemingly possible for me to enjoy such a holiday. I don’t really know. It doesn’t make sense. I love seeing all the red and pink, all the unique chocolates and treats, and the warmth and fuzziness and having an excuse to craft things. But somehow every year bitterness creeps back into my heart, rearing its ugly head.
I’ve shared a little bit on this blog about my recent struggles regarding the true nature of guarding my heart. Some aspects of this have gotten easier for me, but many aspects seem to be increasingly difficult. There is a battle going on within, and while the Lord is trying to train me and build me up, the world is trying to weaken me and tear me down.
Today was a more difficult day. As we approach Valentine’s Day, I can feel the bitterness making its entrance again. Often, I’m just too emotionally and spiritually exhausted to fight it. Just a while ago as I returned to my dorm after a long night of studying, I began reflecting back on some things and I silently and selfishly cried out to God, asking “Why are guys never attracted to me?” And then, it was as if something had tapped me on the shoulder, or the back of the head, some sort of pressure that caused me to look up. And clear as day, the Holy Spirit spoke up, and I heard the most direct words I’ve heard from God in a while:
"Is it not sufficient that I am attracted to you?”
And I just think it’s so beautiful and comforting that the Creator of the Universe, The Prince of Peace, The Great I AM, is ATTRACTED to me. He wants to spend time with me just as much—and even more—than I want to spend time with some cute kid on campus. While I’m fighting for a guy’s attention, God has been fighting for my attention. God loves us and is attracted to us in the most beautiful, mysterious, and unimaginable ways! And that’s something I want to keep in mind not just on Valentine’s Day, but the whole year round.